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Since I was born I started to decay.

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Saturday, April 18th, 2009
3:24 am
I want to care... I really do, but sometimes I just... don't.

(6 Dried Their Eyes | Soulmates Never Die )

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
3:49 am - Just throwing this out there...
...but why is it that bartenders always know how to talk to people...?

current mood: curious

(Soulmates Never Die )

Friday, April 3rd, 2009
4:24 am
I don't know if anyone reads this anymore, or even if anyone cares... but I'm in a complicated time in my life.

For the first time in YEARS, someone made me feel pretty and I'm not sure how I should feel.

My heart hurts.

current mood: confused

(Soulmates Never Die )

Monday, November 10th, 2008
5:27 am - 23 Questions
Note: These 23 questions have been taken from a book by Chuck Klosterman (author of "Sex, Drugs, & Cocoa Puffs) I highly recommend this book, its very entertaining.


1. Let us assume you met a rudimentary magician. Let us assume he can do five simple tricks--he can pull a rabbit out of his hat, he can make a coin disappear, he can turn the ace of spades into the Joker card, and two others in a similar vein. These are his only tricks and he can't learn any more; he can only do these five. HOWEVER, it turns out he's doing these five tricks with real magic. It's not an illusion; he can actually conjure the bunny out of the ether and he can move the coin through space. He's legitimately magical, but extremely limited in scope and influence.

Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?

2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that--for some reason--every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.

Would you attempt to do this?

3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler's skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can't give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler's skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical.

Which option do you select?

4. Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called "super gorilla." Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q. of almost 85, and--most notably--a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be "borderline unblockable" and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.

You are commissioner of the NFL:
Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?

5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch: Every three years, someone will break both of your soul mate's collarbones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear--for the rest of your life--sound as if it's being performed by the band Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like its being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like its being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing acapella (but it will only sound this way to you).

Would you swallow the pill?

6. At long last, someone invents "the dream VCR." This machine allows you to tape an entire evening's worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device of you agree to a strange caveat: When you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you don't agree to this, you can't use the dream VCR.

Would you still do this?

7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week.

You are the front page editor of The New York Times:
What do you play as the biggest story?

8. You meet the perfect person. Romantically, this person is ideal: You find them physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, consistently funny, and deeply compassionate. However, they have one quirk: This individual is obsessed with Jim Henson's gothic puppet fantasy The Dark Crystal. Beyond watching it on DVD at least once a month, he/she peppers casual conversation with Dark Crystal references, uses Dark Crystal analogies to explain everyday events, and occasionally likes to talk intensely about the film's "deeper philosophy.
"
Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?

9. A novel titled Interior Mirror is released to mammoth commercial success (despite middling reviews). However, a curious social trend emerges: Though no one can prove a direct scientific link, it appears that almost 30 percent of the people who read this book immediately become homosexual. Many of these newfound homosexuals credit the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their orientation, despite the fact that Interior Mirror is ostensibly a crime novel with no homo erotic content (and was written by a straight man).

Would this phenomenon increase (or decrease) the likelihood of you reading this book?

10. This is the opening line of Jay McInerney's Bright Lights, Big City: "You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of the morning." Think about that line in the context of the novel (assuming you've read it). Now go to your CD collection and find Heart's Little Queen album (assuming you own it). Listen to the opening riff to "Barracuda.
"
Which of these two introductions is a higher form of art?

11. You are watching a movie in a crowded theater. Though the plot is mediocre, you find yourself dazzled by the special effects. But with twenty minutes left in the film, you are struck with an undeniable feeling of doom: You are suddenly certain your mother has just died. There is no logical reason for this to be true, but you are certain of it. You are overtaken with the irrational metaphysical sense that--somewhere--your mom has just perished. But this is only an intuitive, amorphous feeling; there is no evidence for this, and your mother has not been ill.

Would you immediately exit the theater, or would you finish watching the movie?

12. You meet a wizard in downtown Chicago. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask how this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this random stranger. The wizard says, "I will now make them a dollar more attractive." He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But--somehow--this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can't deny that this person is vaguely sexier. This wizard has a weird rule, though--you can only pay him once. You can't keep giving him money until you're satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front.

How much cash do you give the wizard?

13. Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except you, the collection of your former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to the assembly.

What do you talk about?

14. For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can suddenly read at a twelfth-grade level. They can't talk and they can't write, but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do all day while they lay around the house; however, a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves).

This being the case, do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield, or would cats find this cartoon to be an insulting caricature?

15. You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation; the only downside is that there will be a brutal incision to your frontal lobe. After the surgery, you will be significantly less intelligent. You will still be a fully functioning adult, but you will be less logical, you will have a terrible memory, and you will have little ability to understand complex concepts or difficult ideas. The surgery is in two weeks.

How do you spend the next fourteen days?

16. Someone builds and optical portal that allows you to see a vision of your own life in the future (it�s essentially a crystal ball that shows a randomly selected image of what your life will be like in twenty years). You can only see into this portal for thirty seconds. When you finally peer into the crystal, you see yourself in a living room, two decades older than you are today. You are watching a Canadian football game, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey. Your chair is surrounded by books and magazines that promote the Canadian Football League, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You are alone in the room, but you are gleefully muttering about historical moments in Canadian football history. It becomes clear that�for some unknown reason�you have become obsessed with Canadian football. And this future is static and absolute; no matter what you do, this future will happen. The optical portal is never wrong. This destiny cannot be changed.

The next day, you are flipping through television channels and randomly come across a pre-season CFL game between the Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders.
Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?


17. You are sitting in an empty bar (in a town you've never before visited), drinking Bacardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After an hour, a third individual walks into the tavern and sits by himself, and you ask your acquaintance who the new man is. �Be careful of that guy,� you are told. �He is a man with a past.� A few minutes later, a fourth person enters the bar; he also sits alone. You ask your acquaintance who this new individual is. �Be careful of that guy, too,� he says. �He is a man with no past.

Which of these two people do you trust less?

18. You have won a prize. The prize has two options, and you can choose either (but not both). The first option is a year in Europe with a monthly stipend of $2,000. The second option is ten minutes on the moon.

Which option do you select?

19. Your best friend is taking a nap on the floor of your living room. Suddenly, you are faced with a bizarre existential problem: This friend is going to die unless you kick them (as hard as you can) in the rib cage. If you don't kick them while they slumber, they will never wake up. However, you can never explain this to your friend; if you later inform them that you did this to save their life, they will also die from that. So you have to kick a sleeping friend in the ribs, and you can't tell them why.

Since you cannot tell your friend the truth, what excuse will you fabricate to explain this (seemingly inexplicable) attack?

20. For whatever the reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The first is an independently released documentary, primarily comprised of interviews with people who know you and bootleg footage from your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as �brutally honest and relentlessly fair.� Meanwhile, Columbia Tri-Star has produced a big-budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and all your acquaintances; though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of this fictionalized account, but audiences love it.

Which film would you be most interested in seeing?

21. Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything that you know now. You will re-experience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you've learned form having lived your life previously.

Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?

22. You work in an office. Generally, you are popular with your coworkers. However, you discover that there are currently two rumors circulating the office gossip mill, and both involve you. The first rumor is that you got drunk at the office holiday party and had sex with one of your married coworkers. This rumor is completely true, but most people don't believe it. The second rumor is that you have been stealing hundreds of dollars of office supplies (and then selling them to cover a gambling debt). This rumor is completely false, but virtually everyone assumes it is factual.

Which of these two rumors is most troubling to you?

23.
Consider this possibility:
a. Think about deceased TV star John Ritter.

b. Now, pretend Ritter had never become famous. Pretend he was never affected by the trappings of fame, and try to imagine what his personality would have been like.

c. Now, imagine that this person�the un-famous John Ritter�is a character in a situation comedy.

d. Now, you are also a character in this sitcom, and the un-famous John Ritter character is your sitcom father.

e. However, this sitcom is actually your real life. In other words, you are living inside a sitcom: Everything about our life is a construction, featuring the un-famous John Ritter playing himself (in the role of your TV father). But this is not a sitcom. This is your real life.

How would you feel about this?

(Soulmates Never Die )

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008
6:01 am - 3 words...
It's been a tough work week. Coffee keeps me going, unfortunately I'm almost on E. I coffee crashed hard on Tuesday, & felt like I was still in mid crash when I woke up on Wednesday.

I'm leaving town for the weekend, I'm stoaked. I'm taking a couple of books,some CDs, a skateboard, and extra clothes, and I'm going to leave this shit stained town it's going to be fantastic.

Those wonderful sounding 3 words...
HIT.THE. ROAD

current mood: exhausted

(Soulmates Never Die )

Wednesday, October 15th, 2008
5:01 am - Hey! When are zombies going to attack?! I'm bored!
So... it's kind of been a while hasn't it? I almost forgot I had an account... lame.
So here's the update:
*Kevin and I have been together for about a year.
*I'm a manager at the last "real" record store (the slogan's kinda a crock)
*I gots me a new car that get's 40 mpg and it only costs me about $30.00 to fill the tank from E to F
*Can't really say that I'm having a blast still living in Arizona
*But I can say I'm having as much fun as I can
*I sill have funny colors in my hair and metal shoved through my nose
*I went camping with my dad and it was rad
*I'm content.
*and I'm tired

I'm off to sleep and I'm probably going to start making entries again.

I'm back and young, fast, dangerous, and hard to catch!

Love you,
Miss you,
Audrea

current mood: calm

(Soulmates Never Die )

Saturday, February 9th, 2008
6:28 am - Dear anyone,
I know it's been a while since I posted but please help.

Love,
Audrea

(3 Dried Their Eyes | Soulmates Never Die )

Tuesday, June 5th, 2007
2:12 pm - Our lives today...
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom - a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

current mood: hopeful

(2 Dried Their Eyes | Soulmates Never Die )

Friday, February 9th, 2007
3:01 am - Hold fast to your dreams... they might destroy you.
I guess what I really meant to say is that you will always be my special someone... that something special that we had... amazing. Maybe sometimes I do need someone to take care of me. I’m not okay in my own head sometimes. I sit, and I cry, typing all of this, pouring my heart out to all that is willing to read. I know that I will eventually be okay, but times are hard and that is when I find myself writing... I found myself in my head again. I'm finding that the prince I remember was always you, because you knew that this isn't the first long time. Everyone wondered... like I never thought of suicide. If I do it, it's going to be grand. And I will crush you all like. I'm already at the bottom of this, and damn near ready to resurface with the fixed wings spread. Be quick to pull the trigger with the end of the barrel pointing at my forehead.

I guess I always wanted someone that would treat me special. He was right when he told me I’m like Lilu from the Fifth Element. I’m so “hardcore” but also at the same time I’m fragile. Watch the movie, and that’s me. I love and hate story book romances. Every time I sleep I think of you.
Every time I dream I dream about you. Every time I walk I walk for you. Every time I talk I talk about you. Every time I scream I scream for you. Every time I lie I lie for you. Now tell me what don't I do for you? You have taken on everything that I had in my life. So stupid I was... to make you my everything, because if you do make someone you’re everything what if at the end of this book you’re left with nothing? I fell for you so hard, and I tried to stop myself, but really what was I to do? Ignore my feelings? You wanted to know my feelings and so I let it all out. And I did the one thing I feared the most... scare you away.

I don’t expect you, dear reader, to fully understand what’s going on though my head, so please, dear reader, don’t make any assumptions. You look at my face and you see me smile, you look in my eyes and you see all the hurt. I do wear a mask well, but not so well anymore, because I can’t always hold it all in. More self-meditation is greatly needed. I lock myself in my room – it can’t be healthy – and I sit alone making things. Not on speed. Get less sleep then usual even. Depression is a sarcastic state of mind. Insanity is your thoughts/feelings acting out uncontrollably. Being lonely is just being anti-social, yourself. I want to see the world though the eyes of a rock star in order to see the ugliness of the world – the ugliness within myself. I want to see the world though the eyes of a caterpillar in order to see the beauty within the world – within me.

L I F E... Its lesson is ongoing. Its lesson is perennial and recurring and it colors every major event in your life, every tragedy, and death, and birth, and trauma, and disease, and wart, and pimple, and orgasm, and breakup, and fender bender, and crushing failure, and blazing success, and long lonely godless night.

The ink in my pen is running thin.

(1 Dried Their Eye | Soulmates Never Die )

Sunday, December 3rd, 2006
1:28 am
The world is like a ride at an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly colored and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: Is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey – don't worry, don't be afraid ever, because this is just a ride." And we … kill those people. "Shut him up. We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because – it's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.

(Soulmates Never Die )

Sunday, July 9th, 2006
4:11 am - read my last two newest entries...
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog&Mytoken=BF02877E-3C52-4C77-97E427C6554CDEF21480037640

(2 Dried Their Eyes | Soulmates Never Die )

Thursday, June 22nd, 2006
4:39 am
Tonight I had to tell Matt, my best friend, that I can't see him anymore. And as much as it sucks, as much as I cry, I know I've done the right thing.

current mood: sad

(3 Dried Their Eyes | Soulmates Never Die )

Saturday, June 10th, 2006
1:08 pm - A little update about my life...
I have fucking cramps. Yesterday I thought of a cool band name: Bloody Tampon and the White Blood Cells. It's defiantly less racist then what Kevin told me... Kernel Sanders and the Black Faggots. I bought the Peeping Tom album and it fucking kicks everyone's ass. I have a piece of shit keyboard now, and got Jeff's guitar fixed. Still smoking but a vegetarian and have been losing a lot of weight because of it... but also I don't drink beer or soda anymore, just mostly water because I'm not a failure at life. I got some new shoes and they're pretty and still have the new shoe smell. and some new pants that were actually sold in the girl section and don't have holes in them. They're soft and make me happy. Still an insomniac most nights every once in a while I'll sleep all day but when I do that I feel slow and lazy. I'm using Carmex again; fuck that five dollar bull shit. I don't drink nearly as much coffee anymore. I'm kind of lame and don't really do anything but work. I might be getting a truck next year. Chances are very high and I would look damn cute in a little Tacoma. I'm the only manager at my work that has a place to call my own home. Two of them have gotten evicted, and Victor... well he's living with his wife's parents. My long board is awesome. It feels like a surf board with wheels. When you turn you feel like you're going to fall off but the board just moves with you. Ever since I was a kid I wanted a long board. I'm kind of lonely and my dad wants to spend time with me on Wednesday, he wants to go out of town. I want to buy more pants, and get a hair cut. I was planning on going to California this up coming Monday though Wednesday but then something came up so I need to reschedule. Venice is most defiantly where I want to spend a day. I want someone to cuddle with, but am very picky about who, meaning no one I know at this point in life. I want someone to change my voicemail message to:
"Thank you for calling 1-800-SUICIDE if you wish to self terminate by electric shock press one, for termination by over dose press two, if you would like to make a reservation by our drowning pool please press three, for termination by hanging please press four, for death by self inflicted gun shot press five, to speak to a representative stay on the line, if you do not wish to die please hang up now."
I'd like it professional sounding so if you can do that, that would be so awesome and I'll give you a cookie.


current mood: awake

(2 Dried Their Eyes | Soulmates Never Die )

Friday, June 2nd, 2006
4:12 am - Crashes... Flesh... Blood... Insanity...
Tonight has been a crazy fucking night... I got a text message from Ms. Heather from Sonic to help her out with the computer and the ice cream machine around midnight, midnight: thirty because the other managers aren't answering their phone I diagnosed the ice cream machine's problem and fix the computer and then they get busy so I clock in and help them out which is almost my natural instinct and then things slow down around one ten, so I go out to have a cigarette and Ms. Heather joins me, then Javi too. We hear this motorcycle heading east on Broadway about to pass our store so our natural response is to look and we see the motorcycle... ah but something's wrong here... there aren't suppose to be sparks flying everywhere and then I said out loud "Holy shit, he laid it down!" the three of us take off. I call good ol' 9.1.1. because dude was obviously speeding and isn't going to be "okay". Paramedics are now on their way and dude says while in shock "I need something long..." he was standing when we got there and I know it was the adrenaline pumping though his body then he laid down on the grass. I didn't quite understand at first but only could look at how one fourth of his thigh about five, maybe six inches above the back part of his knee is just gone and how there is just flesh hanging there. Dude was looking for substitute for a turnakit. Now that I think of it, I wish I had thought to use my belt. One cop is heading toward us and we try to wave him down but all he does is speed passed us. About four slutty looking girls run up to him drunk as shit and I am assuming that either one, he just started dating one of the girls and was out at the bar with her and her friends, or two they all met at the bar. Javi heads back to the store. It all becomes so clear to me now as soon as he says I was trying to catch up with you guys in the cab... Ah, he was trying to show off for all the slutty girls. He was trying to say that he has the biggest dick on this side of town. Dude got an extra shot of testosterone... maybe from the guy that he had sex with last night or something. Six cop cars, one fire truck, one ambulance, and one tow truck later... Mr. Officer asks us if we had seen anything. "Well we heard a motorcycle and we looked, and there were sparks flying everywhere, but no Mr. Office-Sir, he crashed just out of our sight." The other policemen are talking to the slutty girls, of course one at a time. In my mind I could only just imagine what happened, he lost control of the bike, spun and slammed right into the curb in the right lane. The only reason as to why I think of that is because his bike was facing west. We stick around for about twenty minutes to see what will become of this guy and also to see if the police need to ask us any further questions. I start feeling sick and start to sweat a little bit that nauseated feeling sinks in, and I know it's all the flashing lights from the cop cars behind me. I politely ask one officer "Do you need us for anything else or can we head back to the store?" "No, you can go back. Thanks for calling us." I nod and we head back to the store. That sick feeling is starting to go away once I pass the median and I didn't see anymore reflection of flashing lights. We go inside to get something to drink and sit back out on the picnic tables. I had to ask myself numerous times in my head, "Did that just happen? Did that just fucking happen?!" I look at Ms. Heather, "Did that just really happen?" "Yeah dude, but I can't believe it either!" "Heather, can I have a cigarette?" "Yeah dude, I'm defiantly smoking one after all that." We both had to keep looking over at the very last police car to see it's flashing lights to confirm that what had happened actually happened. We talk about it while we smoke and I look for the time on my phone, two: thirty-two. "Dude, its time to go..." Ms. Heather asks for a ride on account that she doesn't have to be there anymore even though Sonic is now twenty-four hours. This is Javi's shift. "Sure." We talk about it a little bit more on the way to her apartment simply discussing on how lucky dude was and how he's really going to be okay - she lives about a quarter mile away anyway. I drop her off and tell her to have a good night. She tells me to drive safe and to have a good night also. I head home. I couldn't help but replay the whole scene I imagined over and over again in my head. I think to myself, "Never a dull night at Sonic. Never a dull night when the bars just get out. That was insane." I'm still a little shaken up about it but it is a night to remember and I'm sure will be talked about amongst me and Heather for a little while.

current mood: drained

(3 Dried Their Eyes | Soulmates Never Die )

Thursday, May 25th, 2006
4:58 am - INK!
So I have finally figured out the two tattoos I want...
This one will be on my upper left arm and in the banner I would like it to say "Always & Forever" :
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

and the next one I want on my back I want it done a little bit bigger than it is in the picture and maybe in color...
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

(2 Dried Their Eyes | Soulmates Never Die )

Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
4:15 pm - Good To Know That If I Ever Need Attention All I Have To Do Is Die
If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. I hope you find out what you want. I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I'll grow old and start acting my age. I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. A crown of gold. A heart that's harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget. If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state. You can keep to yourself. I'll keep out of your way. And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down. Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out. It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. So call it quits or get a grip. Say you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget... You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin. Standing trial for your sins. Holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain. You are the blood in my veins. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.

(Soulmates Never Die )

Thursday, May 18th, 2006
3:53 am - The Promise Keeper Lied To Me
So I do this completely unhealthy thing when Im sad... I hold in all feelings and emotions and hide them from everyone else and present myself as a happy person so they would just stop worrying, but to be honest Id feel a hell a lot better talking about it with someone. And I feel like there is more weight on my shoulders now more than ever... I totally want to run away to Paris right now... or at least hide at someone's cabin so I have time to think about things. Sigh.

(3 Dried Their Eyes | Soulmates Never Die )

Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
3:55 am
Now if wishes became true, what would we wish for?

A perfect world would be very boring.

One more thing... KILL YOUR TV!

(1 Dried Their Eye | Soulmates Never Die )

Tuesday, May 9th, 2006
3:21 am - Tonight at work I felt... nothing.
I have been very sad all day like in a daze. Sad to the point where I would start tearing up but I refuse to cry so I dont. I wish things were better, not just for me, but for everyone. I really could use a hug right now and some advice. A lot of people I work with asked me if something was wrong because I wasnt being my usual happy, loud self. I lied and told them that everything was fine.

(2 Dried Their Eyes | Soulmates Never Die )

Monday, May 1st, 2006
3:02 am
I wish that I really had more time to do the things I wanted to do. I feel that I haven't been putting enough time in my relationship with Jeff, but when I do stay home he just plays computer games, or look stuff up on the internet. I'm always gone and it's either work or thinking up things for this independent film I have volunteered to help out with.

I went to go see Tub Ring last Wednesday with Dog Fashion Disco... fucking amazing! They played a lot of songs from Femi Paradox and Zoo Hypothesis and for once I wasn't sore from moshing but rather getting so into the music. Tub Ring's whole set was amazing. It made me especially happy to watch the keyboardist play his makeshift melodian. I was sad that they didn't play Faster though, and it's been a while since they've played Where's The Robot, I Am The Robot, and Death Of The Robot. Oh man, I haven't had that good of a time at a show in a while. Dog Fashion Disco wasn't too bad neither was The Attitude. I wanted to beat up the lead singer because he looked like an asshole. It would have been just all fun and games. I even slow danced with Brenda when Tub Ring played I Could Never Fall In Love With You. I wished Jeff went but their music isn't his cup of tea. I kept getting sad when I would see a couple. All in all though, I had a fun time.

I decided just now that I work too much, but I can't cut back on hours and it's fucking lame. I might not be going to the new store. They are looking for someone permanent but it's fucking far... I'll go out there to help them out but eventually I would like to come back to my store.

One more thing, I got a cell phone bitches!

(3 Dried Their Eyes | Soulmates Never Die )

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